It’s a trap. A trap that sucks me in and sucks out contentment.

Mindless scroll, search, for something, anything, that isn’t me. 

And it just keeps going. More and more, these people, strangers become larger and I become smaller. 

Yet I keep going back. A trap that takes something and refuses to give it back.

A study I read recently showed much higher rates of depression, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts for high usage.

Something meant for good, for connection. Turned into the demise of people one by one. 

An easy life, what it appears. How many takes to get that photo. Might I trade lives with them, with her. 

My heart sinks, wondering where I belong, never with them. My heart sinks in the slow ripping of the bit of contentment inside of me. 

And I keep wondering why I go back. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy, I tell myself I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never be like them. 

I lie here in these thoughts. Wondering what’s real. Hoping one day freedom in being me.