Tag: divorce

Alone again.

I’m alone again. Another year older, and alone again.

Next year, I’ll be older again. Will I be alone, then?

And the year after, what about then?

Will I ever hold a baby in my arms.. roll over to a sleeping husband in a safe home?

Wake up to crying children, to make breakfast and drink coffee with one eye open.

Who would ever choose me?

Broken goods. Broken spirit. Broken heart.

The good ones. The right ones stay. She says that. But how does she know?

No one will ever stay. Maybe for a time. And then they will leave. By choice. By addiction. By disease.

Then I’ll be alone again. Why stay on this merry go round.

I have made way from my previous reminders. Now I have more.

The white elephant gift. Books. Poetry. Succulents. Plants.

Candy. Movies we watched. Trips we took.

Strings. And my soul is at rest. Begging for trust that this will be okay. Right, God? I’m waiting for you to hear me. I’m next in line.

Breath of Fresh Air

I lay here in my bed. What was our bed.

Thinking of you. Wondering where you are. Wondering who you are.

Wondering what this new year will bring.

Hopefully what seemed so far,

Last year. 

Freedom? 

I lay here and think what was it we did last year on this night 

Was it full of pain, disappointment?

Or were we so far from a fight

That we were dead inside

Little did I know as that clock struck midnight 

The next year I’d merely be married one month

Then life would vanish from my sight 

I’d continue to awake from my bed. Our bed. Each day.

And I’d begin breathing in bits of freedom.

Letting go of that pain.

Now it’s a new year again.

Freedom engulfs me. Pain is a brief reminder of a life once lived.

This year I lay in my bed. Not our bed. And begin to live the years to come that mark freedom. That mark safety, renewal, redemption. That says I have overcome.